Bathrobes and Boredom
by scarlett onyx
Summary: The Riddler has left the Scarecrow back at the lair. And it's cold. What's a painfully thin Scarecrow to do? no slash/ don't own Jonathan or Eddie


Jonathan Crane sat, shivering, on the Riddler's couch. Edward Nygma had gone out to get some supplies and had left Jonathan alone with the thermostat at what must have been below freezing.

The Master of Fear cursed the stupid dial on the wall silently. Why, oh, _why_ had he ever decided to go to stay at Eddie's place after his lairs were compromised? He could have gone to Jervis'…or Pam's…or even Harley's place, _anything_ was better than this…this…_ice cube! _Jonathan was a thin man, and did not like to be cold, as he had very little body fat to warm himself with. Rubbing his arms, the Scarecrow decided to search for a solution to his problem. Walking down the hallway, he glimpsed Eddie's bedroom. The door was open slightly. Cautiously, Jonathan tiptoed to the entrance and peeked around the corner. A large bed with a green comforter and a few rather expensive looking purple throw pillows with large question marks stitched on them was pushed against one wall and a green dresser rested against the opposite wall. Other than these two items and a closet, the room was bare. The Master of Fear shook his head. Why was he tiptoeing? There was no one here! Careful all the same, Jonathan crept into the room and went to the closet. _There had to be something he could warm himself with in there…maybe he'd find a blanket…yeah…_

A blanket, he did find, but it smelled musty from being shoved into the back of the closet. It wasn't very soft, anyway. Jonathan frowned. Was it too much to ask to wrap himself in something that didn't smell and wasn't the consistency of sandpaper? Hands on his hips, the Master of Fear surveyed the closet once more, and this time his eye caught something better.

A bright green plush bathrobe hung on a hanger to the left of the green suits and paraphernalia that came with being the Riddler. A smile slid onto the Scarecrow's face. _Now _that _looked soft enough…probably smelled good too…_ Although he'd never admit it, Jonathan thought that Eddie's lair always smelled nice in comparison to the other lairs he'd been in. Like he sprayed it with Febreze ever morning…and he probably did, knowing the Riddler's OCD…

Reaching into the closet, he was just about to grab the robe when a voice yelled, "Hey! Hey you! Yes you! If you're not me, you had better drop whatever you took NOW! I mean it! Those suits are expensive!"

The Master of Fear let out a very un-Masterly yelp and dropped the robe, leaping back. Then he noticed where the voice was coming from. A small white microphone, set next to a tiny black motion detector screeched at Jonathan. The Scarecrow glared at it, then sighed. It was just like Eddie to have a motion detector next to his closet. What next? Child controls on the TV? Quickly, ignoring the annoying speaker this time, Jonathan reached back into the closet and pulled out the robe, wrapping it around himself. _Ahhh…much better… _And it _did_ smell good. Eddie must have been wearing cologne the last time he wore it…

Walking back into the living room and cranking the obviously malfunctioning thermostat a bit higher, Jonathan sat down on the couch and picked up the TV remote. As long as he was warm, he might as well enjoy some relaxation and surf through a few channels. After a few minutes of this, however, he had to conclude that there wasn't much to surf through. Sighing, the Scarecrow settled on one of the less painful looking channels. It may have been a soap opera, but while there wasn't much utter terror and oblivion, there might be some good enough angst…

Snuggling down into the robe, Jonathan curled up on the couch cushions and turned up the volume.

"_Oh, Lou! Don't leave me!"_

"_I must, Joanne. I just…I just don't love you anymore!"_The Master of Fear shook his head.

"Don't do it, Lou. She's going to get mad and start throwing things…"

CRASH

"I told you….ooo look! There goes the flower pot, hehehe…"

Jonathan grinned as 'Joanne' threw everything within reach at 'Lou's face.

"_I'm sorry, Darling…ouch!…please, don't throw such things…ow!….Alright, I'll stay! But just for the night!" _

Jonathan shook his head again. "Don't fall for it, Joanne. It's a ruse. He'll jump out the window or something…or kill you…hehe…that would be interesting…"

Edward Nygma parked in the back of the lair and decided to go in the back door since it would give him a straight shot to the kitchen and he had a lot of groceries. Balancing a bag on his knee, he unlocked the door and entered the lair. He'd been gone awhile, he realized. Hopefully Jonathan hadn't ripped the lair up or something…_wow it was warm in here…_

Suddenly a voice floated in from the other room. "Oh, Joanne…what did I tell you?"

Eddie blinked. 'Joanne'? Who was _that?_ Tiptoeing to the doorway, Eddie looked around the corner and saw a mound of green fluff with a few tufts of reddish-brown hair sticking up from it. The lump was apparently watching a rather violent soap opera. Walking around the couch, Eddie stood to the side of the television, smirking at the person engulfed by the fluff, which the Riddler now realized was his own bathrobe.

"Umm…Jonathan?" he asked, grinning as he watched the Master of Fear, whose eyes had been wholly focused on the screen flinch, eyes going wide, "Why are you wearing my bathrobe?"

Jonathan leaped up like a soldier at attention, feeling around wildly for the remote and turning off the TV.

"I was…I was cold!" he stuttered. "And the blankets were musty! So I took this! It was warm…and I wasn't going to keep it! Even though it smells good…I MEAN, HERE!" Jonathan finally succeeded in struggling out of the robe and practically threw it at the Riddler. Eddie caught it and smirked all the larger. "It smells good?"

"No! I mean, yes…I mean, well yeah, but so what? It's just a robe…and…and your thermostat is broken, because I tried to turn it up and it wouldn't…oh…I guess it is warm in here….well, it fixed itself then! I'm…I'm going to go run some errands and pick up some stuff so I can make more toxin. Yeah. I'll get supper, don't wait up." And with that the Master of Fear dashed from the room. Still grinning, Eddie called after him, "Don't forget to pick up a sweatshirt!" The door slammed shut in response. Sitting down on the couch, the Riddler picked up the remote and switched on the TV again.

"Oh, Joanne…"


End file.
